Just do it afraid

Just do it afraid-- you might just end up with an amazing friend group like this.

The Lord never disappoints. Let me say it again, the Lord NEVER disappoints. This past December I was faced with some pretty heartbreaking news. It's the kind of news that just slaps you in the face and leaves you angry, upset, and just out right confused. It makes you rethink everything you have planned for your life. The way I reacted to this news is something that I am not the proudest of, but has, in the long run, grown my relationship with Jesus like nothing else.

When I received this news, I ended up furious with God. I was angry. I kept asking Him questions, but I got no response. So for the next 4-ish weeks, I just stopped talking to Him. I was so mad, and I just wanted my way. Finally after spending this month upset and lost, I googled "what to do when you are mad at God". The answer I received was, tell Him. What? Are you serious? Tell GOD that I am mad at HIM, how could I ever do that? Isn't it wrong to be mad at God? I found myself in my bedroom just pouring my heart out to Him. Telling Him every feeling that had built up over the past few months. The answer I received from Him was not harsh or degrading, but I was shown grace and compassion. The Lord understood my concerns and listened to me. After this, I came to the realization that I can not try to plan my future and worry about what tomorrow may bring. I have to trust the Lord and the plans He has for my life.

What does this have to do with finding an amazing friend group?-- you may be wondering.

As I began to give myself more to the Lord, I felt him pushing me to start a small group/bible study in my college community. I kept disregarding His voice in hopes that someone else would step up and do it. I prayed for the Lord to give me a sign, like have someone come up and tell me directly to my face they felt that I needed to start a small group. This never happened. I kept asking the Lord to give me more information about this area I could feel him pushing me towards. I would ask the Lord, just give me a sign or something, and I will start the bible study today. Nothing. I waited and waited for a little over a month. I went back and forth with the Lord asking Him things like Why me, God? Can't you get someone else to do it? I have never even been in a small group, what makes you think I could lead one?. Through all these questions, the Lord was silent. I confided all of this with one of my closest friends and she got very excited at the thought of me starting a small group. I eventually got up the courage to send a text to my friends. I told them that I felt the Lord was calling me to lead a bible study. I told them that I had absolutely no idea where God was taking me, but I asked if they wanted to meet a week (I believe) from the day I texted them. I was scared to death, and had no idea what I was doing.

Here is the funny part. The following Sunday at church, just a few days later, my preacher gave a sermon along the lines of doing what the Lord is calling you to do. It was an amazing service, but one thing he shared was that a few people from church had came to him that week and shared that the Lord was calling them to start small group (I was not one of them). He continued in saying something like "If the Lord is calling you start a small group, then you should do it." I just laughed under my breath. Like, umm excuse me Lord. Where was this a month ago when I was asking you for a sign???

By starting this small group and meeting just once a week, I have formed some of the most amazing friendships. These girls mean so much to me, and I could not have gotten through last semester without their support and words of encouragement.

If you feel the Lord nudging you to do something that may seem crazy, just keep in mind that you do not have to know every single detail of how it is all going to work out. As long as you trust the Lord and seek His guidance, He will always bring you though it. And if you're terrified of what the future may bring, that is perfectly fine, but do not let it stop you from doing what the Lord is calling you to do. Just do it afraid.

xoxo,

Madison